writing / Macoco
edit / Wu Wei
Playing chess and testing
「 Have you met a lot of people on this software ？」.
2020 Late autumn , A dessert shop in the center of Shanghai ,25 Lin Xixi, a 20-year-old girl, is making friends with software 「TA say 」 I met a man I met last night .
This is the first man she's ever had on the software .
The man on the other side continued to ask ,「 How long have you been playing with this software , Have you met any interesting people ？」. Lin Xixi keenly felt that the other party was testing whether she was an old hand .
Single men and women are always sniffing and full of suspicion about meeting on the Internet , But the limitation and narrowness of the real social intercourse make them indulge in it .
A clever temptation is ,「 What interesting people have you met ？」 The actual meaning behind it is ,「 How many men have you met offline ？」
Lin Xi's thinking is very clear , Respond quickly .「 I seldom come out to meet , Because it's afternoon tea today , I have an appointment in the evening .」
The roundabout was played quietly . She has made it clear that she is screening for the base object , Smart and prudent expression of themselves , At the same time, it also implies its own value .
「 value 」 lie in 「 I have an appointment in the evening 」 This a few word . One side , Girls have a full schedule , The other party can't judge whether the date of the evening is the same sex or the opposite sex , If it's the opposite sex , At least the popularity of girls is not low . On the other hand , This sentence also skillfully cut off the man across the table the night charming Fantasy , After all, safety is always the first consideration .
Lin Xi Xi Xi's caution is not without its origin . Download this dating software less than half a year , She's been receiving a lot of hints on the chat interface .
A face recognition algorithm engineer from a technology company , Graduated from Shanghai Top2 Colleges and universities , He wrote on his home page ,「 I want to make an appointment , play , Go to the private cinema , Want to do it together .」
At first, Lin didn't care , Until a large number of young boys in the chat interface built into the software , When it comes to movies , Just to mention 「 Private cinema ？」 It was only in a hazy way that she noticed .
The hormones of urban men and women are always so restless , The desire of youth needs to be laid at night , In countless push and pull and trial , Both sides on the card table , I'm looking forward to seeing each other's cards first .
Only this time , The boy Lin Xi Xi promised to meet , She was the only one who praised her in the chat 「 Laugh and heal 」 Of men .
Lin Xixi has heard all kinds of praise ,「 You look good , You are beautiful! , You're interesting 」, Error free generic templates have gone thousands of times , It's not unheard of if it's more overt , But when this man was looking at the picture , I saw the healing and warmth in her smile .
She wanted to , The other party should also be such a person .
After a cup of coffee , After eating half of the sliced cake , Lin Xixi gradually 「 Clear the alarm 」. Although can not fully cope with the opposite man's depth of exploration , But what she didn't tell the man who thought he could control the scene was , Before the appointment , She has inquired about the registered capital of his company 、 Staff size and main business .
use 「 Algorithm 」 Find a boyfriend
Lin Xixi felt that , Find a boyfriend on Social Software , It's like shopping online .
Everyone is marked with a price tag . Height, education, hobbies, income , Looks and records of going abroad . The more rational urban young men and women , I always have the smartest account . These factors are like customs clearance keys , All matching can make the customs pass successfully .
Smart systems record the behavior of the forager , I'm also testing the bottom line of love seekers .
「 Once I'm on a height 175cm One of the boys checked like , that 170-173cm The men in between will follow , The system continuously reduces the height standard , To test my acceptance of height bottom line ,」 Lin Xixi thinks this is the insincerity of the system .
Mother's attitude to height 167cm Lin Xi Xi Xi has a very clear requirement on the height of a mate .「 Less than 180cm Don't take it home 」. Although Lin Xixi is disgusted with such harshness , But it's going to be as close as possible . This height 175cm The boys who are in love with , It's because his Tsinghua degree has improved the overall Value（ value ）.
But if you give it to all of us rudely 180cm The boys below cross , The system will redefine the user's bottom line . Lin Xixi found that , After a while , All the boys recommended to her are in 180cm above . It's an illusion ,「 Boys all over the world are tall , lower than 180cm It's rubbish .」
Her friend hinted to her that ,180cm It may not be the truth .「 Write about your height 180cm, It's usually false 2-3 centimeter , You have to put the height threshold in 182cm On , In this way, we can ensure that we can surpass 180cm.」
Lin didn't follow the advice . See a mountain climber 、 A dark boy , height 172cm, She hit the like button ,「 Because I like mountain climbing, too 」. Next few days , None of the men recommended by the system are satisfactory .
She immediately get The system is not going to be what it was supposed to be 「 Be considerate 」. Her bottom line and standards , It's sunk in the system's behavioral records over and over again , But the system doesn't seem to be trying to find that for itself 「 The best people 」. This is in line with what most social software registration invitation pages say ,「 Help you find another one in the lonely world TA」, It doesn't seem to agree .
one day ,「TA say 」 Lin Xixi was recommended a master's degree from Columbia University . The boy's smile is warm , Let her like it without hesitation , But the system says , There are too many people who like him , It may take a while for the other person to see you . You can use 「 Super love 」 Privilege , Let the other party see you first .
In this dating app , There are only two free users 「 Super love 」 You can send out , And you need to share software to exercise this privilege . Of course, if you're willing to pay, it's easy , at present IOS Terminal VIP The monthly fee is 88 element , It can be sent once a day 「 Super love 」.
stay 「 Boys should take the initiative 」 In the traditional context of , Some women are passive and reserved in their social environment . It also creates an illusion , On social platforms , It seems that female users have more right to speak and choose . They usually just need to log in online , Then wait for the men to chat up .
This may not be the case . A number of 22-28 s , In Shanghai, 、 Shenzhen 、 Young girls working in first tier cities like Beijing talk about their own feelings , In the circle of Higher Education , There are more single women than single men , This, on the contrary, makes high-quality men a scarce resource .
What has been discussed frequently recently 「 On the safety of blooms 」 On the dating platform , The female quota released by offline activities is usually robbed within five minutes , When the backstage staff selects 「 See a girl born in 88 Years ago , Almost nothing 」.
This scarcity of high-quality men , Let more women have to change from passive to active . They need to recharge and give away their favorite , To be qualified by those men 「 See 」.
「 You think you're picking people , In fact, you are also a commodity , It's on the shelf to be selected by others 」, Lin Xixi describes this feeling like this .
As long as you enter this market of dating or dating , You'll find that individuals have to be labeled in the market . Like the goods to be purchased on the e-commerce platform , Single men and women are trying to use more and clearer labels , Make your own exposure and traffic more prominent , So that the picker can more quickly and accurately block .
But the problem remains . Shen Yifei, associate professor of sociology at Fudan University, is quoting scholars Eva Illouz It's mentioned in our research that ,
「 When we're looking for love , It's about finding a unique person . That unique person TA All of a sudden it moved me , This is the love I want . But once in the dating market , It's a match of conditions and conditions , It's constantly tagging . Although you are unique , But once it becomes a label , You have no uniqueness .」
Since the software platform has chosen many men from Qingbei as 「 The object of affection 」 after , Lin Xixi has recommended the object of the system 「 Education 」 It's quiet . The traditional four schools are not adding items , Very few graduates from Harvard , Yale has one , Even the Hogwarts School of witchcraft and Wizardry has appeared several times .
When a private undergraduate graduated from Shanghai XX When the college boy jumped out of today's recommended page , Lin Xixi almost did not hesitate to click 「 fork 」.
Magnanimity and shame
Times ranked the top of the world 100 Hong Kong Universities , And the private undergraduate in Pudong, Shanghai , It's really different places in the chain of academic disdain .
Lin Xixi, a master of architecture in Hong Kong, is upstream , And this boy from private undergraduate is in the lower reaches , But that doesn't affect the fact that his homepage is still wonderful . Basketball 、 café 、 The concert , Nothing falls .
But time is limited , Even the contact of online chat , It also costs .
open 「TA say 」, There are too many problem boards at the top of the screen waiting for her to open the topic , There are too many 「 hi 」 Stuck in the chat screen waiting for her to respond . Most of those conversations are superficial exchanges of information , Only the two sides finished talking 50 Sentence can light up the heart of the system . Then both sides will perceive a clear signal ,「 It turns out that I and this person have been breaking off for so long 」.
After a long time , Chatting is a little numb .
A graduate student of business, Xiong Xiaoxiong , Frankly speaking, Lin Xixi's chat method on the software is inefficient .「 Direct interviews are the best , Judge quickly 」. She's seen more than 20 personal , Never ask for dinner , It's only a cup of coffee for the first time ,「 Time is compact , It's not appropriate to find an excuse to leave immediately , And the price is not high , No one who pays will feel like taking advantage of the other .」
This girl who is obsessed with efficiency and methodology , In Guangzhou 、 Shenzhen's single friends have been around for a year and a half , Still did not meet the right person to associate with .
Lin Xixi once met a man of her heart . She's older than her 5 In the above , Shanghai top2 The management background of colleges and universities , Has been the founder of small and medium-sized enterprises , The kind of media coverage .
Until the day we meet offline , Two talents add wechat , Just for the convenience of sending the meeting time , Determine the location . She crossed the boy's circle of friends one by one , I found that his first degree was a secondary school , The other side also po Out of Shanghai Top2 College admission notice , The tone is very happy .
That moment , Lin Xi Xi feels ashamed .
She was surprised by the openness of the other side , And then a little bit embarrassed . She was shocked , The other party has arrived 「 I will be proud of my struggle and growth 」 The degree of , But she's obviously still in 「 Shame on your first education 」 The stage of .
Frankly speaking , Master's degree in Hong Kong is more like a springboard for academic qualifications . Undergraduate is not 985、211 Lin Xixi, who was born in Beijing, has long experienced this kind of academic disdain .
A few years ago, she was listening to an architectural academic forum near Tongji University , The court is full of people . The girl next to her asked which college she was from , Do you want to go back together in the evening . She found that the other side instinctively thought she was Tongji .
Once the topic of education is opened , Lin Xixi didn't know how to answer , I don't know how to hide embarrassment .
And in the professional confrontation with peers after that , Lin Xixi felt that there was an obvious gap . The theoretical logic and basic knowledge of Tongji architecture department , Compared with my own teaching in this second College , To be solid, too much .
later , She decided to go to Hong Kong .
Causeway Bay is full of people , Victoria harbour lights up all night , Two years in Hong Kong , Lin Xi Xi has a Cantonese accent when he speaks Mandarin , Working for a top consulting firm in the vertical field , Few people can recognize that she is not Lao Guang .
During the epidemic , The school canceled the graduation ceremony . She asked her friend to wrap up her diploma and send it back , Don't crumple the four corners . Lin Xixi knows the gold content of this certificate . Whether it's choosing a mate 、 Employment or settlement , She has a ticket to a higher level .
That's why when I learned that the other party had strived all the way from the second book to the top university , She felt a little bit of empathy . But she always thought , You can be alone , Don't despise others on the issue of education , But staying in the system for a long time , She will be like without hesitation to fork out that private undergraduate boy , Don't give yourself a chance to fall .
「 I really thought , I have a person that no one else can judge I have too many , Or look down on my education too much , In this way, I can protect myself in this despised system , But it turns out , I, who acquiesce and obey this rule , Also learned to use this chain of contempt to define others .」 Lin Xi Xi said .
The bear, who is a few years older than Lin Xixi, thinks this idea is ridiculous .「 You just want to go up , Not willing to go down , If you find one that is not as good as you in all aspects , You won't be reconciled .」 In bear's eyes , Young girls like Lin Xixi can't see through men's disguises , I haven't been beaten by society .
「 Why doesn't he write his first degree in software , It's about the famous school ？ To put it bluntly, it's also raising one's own value 」.
Go up , Fall down
In all kinds of dating platforms , A lot of packaging and embellishments are covered up without leaving a trace , A lot of pride and prejudice are hidden .
「 People who don't clearly fill in their hometown , For example, only accurate to the province , Even if it's a famous school background , It may also be a small town youth who came from a writer . Such a family , There is often no material and personal connections in the last three generations , Unless the boy himself is progressive , I love you again , Otherwise, I really don't have to think about it 」. One has used more than 4 The young girl who is more than 5 years old would like to remind bear .
「 engineering 、 Computer 、 Medicine is often people who want to achieve class mobility and leapfrogging in this generation , There will be more second generation financial workers ,old money in , The proportion of students studying art is quite high .」 Location 、 occupation 、 All the income has become the key point of information mining .
That's what makes this kind of environment , Everybody's going up , Whether it's marriage or employment , The standards are getting higher and higher . Lin Xixi couldn't figure out why . In Shanghai like this , She is often anxious , And feel pressure .
People's Daily reported that ,2021 The number of college graduates is more than 900 ten thousand . Autumn moves are over , Countless enterprises have quietly raised the threshold . In all kinds of school recruitment groups , The recruitment information released by many enterprises clearly points out that 「 Give priority to 985/211 graduate 」. a Top Grade real estate company , Except Qingbei 、 other 985&211 And other applicants besides overseas students , The proportion is only 1.64%.
Recently, the variety show is on in the workplace , An outlaw 、 Not 985&211 The intern lawyer was eliminated by JUNHE law firm ahead of schedule ,HR A point of view was given in the conversation ,「 You're so eager to be , It's going to happen .」
Lin Xixi found this sentence very harsh . For the first time, Xiaoxiong agrees with Lin Xixi's point of view ,「 What's wrong with trying to be successful , Not so hard , It's because there's a way out , But what do most people who have no way out ？」
This seems to explain the tangle and contradiction of Lin Xixi . She has been obedient since childhood , Under this system of social rules and judgments 20 many years . She knew instinctively , But I can't resist , And will unconsciously apply this set of rules to the process of finding a partner .
「 Do you think I'm pure ？」 Lin Xixi asked me .
「 Can't .」 I answered her .
12 The deep winter of the month , Lin Xixi returned to the town where she had studied , This is not a first tier city in the traditional sense . It's very cold in winter in the north , But the advantage over Shanghai is , There's plenty of heating .
A boy who used to like himself sent a wechat ,「 If you are sure to go to Shanghai , I wish you well , Originally, I wanted to take a rope to tie your little fish , But today I've given up 」.
Lin Xixi vaguely remembers , In a chat a long time ago , She said to the boy , I feel like a little fish , I swam from the pond to the sea , It's not that I don't like ponds , I want to go to the sea .
After so long , The other party still remembers . In the cold wind of deep winter , She replied ,「 Thank you for your approval , You are also a great person 」.
for the first time , Lin Xixi found that he finally had the power to love , The softness and touch of that moment , It's really more than all the previous push and pull with young men in the virtual network 、 Hesitate 、 The moment of trial .
（ To protect privacy , Lin Xixi 、 Little bear 、 Ning Jin is a pseudonym , Colleges and majors are blurred .）
This article is reproduced by authorization from 【 Wu Wei 】（ID：esnql520）
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